Told you, baby, one more time
Don’t make me sit all alone and cry
Well, it’s over, I know it, but I can’t let go
Can’t Let Go, Lucinda Williams
You can take it to the bank. Joe Biden will drop out of the 2024 presidential race. The New York Times editorial calling for Joe to step aside was the death knell for his reelection campaign, and everybody knows it.
Why doesn’t Joe withdraw his candidacy to preserve his dignity and enjoy his golden years eating ice cream and clam strips at Rehoboth Beach?
I’ll tell you why. Family and friends in the Biden bunker fear what will happen to them if Dr. Dementus gets hold of the Justice Department. Trump might launch criminal investigations against the Lawfare crowd and Joe’s relatives–the ones who reportedly have offshore banking accounts. Therefore, Biden’s closest family members and advisers urge him to hang on.
I think Biden’s confidants would drop their efforts to keep Biden in the White House if Joe would issue blanket pardons to everybody who was complicit in Russiagate, the Hunter Laptop scandal, and the alleged Biden influence-peddling scam.
Obviously, Joe needs to pardon family members first. Jill, Hunter, Joe’s children, and grandchildren should receive blanket pardons whether or not they did anything unlawful.
Then there are the lawyers who set up the Biden family’s alleged money laundering scheme. They will want pardons. And Joe should pardon all those lawfare attorneys—Fani Willis, Alvin Bragg, Jack Smith, and others, too.
And Biden should also pardon all the people who are hysterical about the possibility of Trump becoming president again. They fear mass deportations, detention camps, paramilitary groups, and draconian restrictions on abortion.
Therefore, Biden should issue sweeping pardons to all of Trump’s most vicious critics, including the ladies on “The View” and all the MSNBCcommentators. I don’t think any of these people did anything illegal. Still, a Biden Get-Out-Of-Jail card would ease their anxieties about possibly being sent to a concentration camp in rural Arkansas.
Some of Trump’s most paranoid fault finders may fear that a Biden pardon letter might be destroyed or altered in some way by Trump’s minions. Biden can ease these people’s fears by offering to tattoo his pardon letter on the recipients’ butts.
Rachel Maddow, for example, is excessively worried about a Trump presidency. However, even Rachel would probably sleep better at night if she had a sweeping and all-encompassing presidential pardon tattooed for posterity on her rump.
